Self Introduction Formal Letter
Dear Professor Brad,
I am Lim Wen Jue from your effective communications module in Singapore Institution of Technology (SIT). I am writing to tell you more about myself and what I aim to achieve after completing this module.
I studied biology and chemistry during secondary school and did not score too poorly or too well. However, my results were not good enough for me to enter my desired choice of study which is medical or biology related courses. Therefore, I had to settle for the latter, which was automation and mechatronic systems in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. During the first few semesters, I struggled in school as I did not have a physics foundation back in secondary school. After my national service, I applied to study in SIT mechanical engineering as I wanted to understand the mechanical systems around the world, and I would like to design my own mechanical systems in the future.
I feel that one of my strengths in communication is the ability to strike up a conversation with strangers. I have done many part-time jobs in the past that required me to speak to people of different ages and races. Therefore, I am quite confident in striking a conversation with other people when necessary. One of my weaknesses in communication is that I tend to speak too fast when I am nervous. Back when I was in polytechnic, I had to give a lot of presentations and my lecturers always told me to slow down when explaining my parts.
The two goals I want to achieve for this module are to be able to speak more fluent English instead of saying too many "erm" or stutter when my mind goes blank and also to broaden my vocabulary in the English language.
I believe what makes me different from others is that I have a musical background in playing the trumpet for at least 10 years and I enjoy playing music. Some of the more popular pieces I have played are "Aladin", "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" and "What A Wonderful World". I hope that by the end of my introduction letter, you will be able to know and understand more about me. Thank you for reading my letter.
Yours sincerely,
Lim Wen Jue
Last edited on 26/1/22
29/1/22
Blogs commented on:
Amirul https://broccoboi.blogspot.com/2022/01/self-introduction.html
Benjamin https://benjaminsjm.blogspot.com/2022/01/formal-letter_19.html
Jamie https://jamiepey.blogspot.com/2022/01/self-introduction-letter.html
Jia Xin https://foojiaxin2102692.blogspot.com/2022/01/formal-introduction-letter.html
Peerasak https://peerasaks.blogspot.com/2022/01/week-2-formal-letter.html
Valencia https://valencialau2102454.blogspot.com/2022/01/self-introduction-letter.html
Hi Wen Jue! Thank you for sharing your introduction. I like that you gave good examples and explained the different experiences you faced in detail. However, in the first paragraph, there was a bit of disconnect between joining SIT and starting your own branding. Maybe you can elaborate more on the vision you have on your branding? Other than that, your introduction sounds good!
ReplyDeleteHi Amirul, thank you so much for your feedback. I have added and changed some of my sentence structure, hope you enjoyed reading my letter.
DeleteHi Wen Jue, thank you for sharing your introduction. I enjoyed reading this. You gave example on your strengths and weakness which is nice. However, I believe you could elaborate more in the 4th paragraph on how you plan to speak fluent English. Your introduction is interesting to read.
ReplyDeleteHi Valencia, thank you so much for your feedback, I elaborated more on how I plan to improve my language speaking skills. Hope you enjoyed the read.
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ReplyDeleteHey there Wen Jue! Your introduction letter is very detailed and I got to know you a lot more after reading! Although there is one thing I wanna point out on your strength paragraph, the " to speak to people of different ages and races". The "race" word sounds negative the way you used to describe yourself having interacted with many different kinds of people. You could use words such as unique characteristics or behaviour. Nevertheless your sentences are clear and straight to the point, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Peerasak! Thank you so much for your feedback! I feel that stating people of different age and race is not really negative. However, I do believe I can change it to "speak to varies type of people" which might sound less specific. Hope you enjoyed reading my letter !
DeleteHi Wen Jue! I think that your introduction was awesome and quite detailed, but the flow could be better. Every thing was well explained with details and it was clear. Maybe you could also work on the part where you mentioned about your musical background, I am interested to know about how you realised your passion for music and what drives your motivation for playing the trumpet for over 10 years.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
Hi Benjamin! Thank you so much for your feedback. I have added more information on my passion for music as you recommended. I hope you enjoyed your read!
DeleteHello Wen Jue,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this expressive letter. I felt you have covered the basic scope of the assignment! However, regarding your sentence structure in the first paragraph, I believe some repetitive "and" words could be removed. Perhaps you could write:
I am Lim Wen Jue from your Effective Communications Module in Singapore Institution of Technology (SIT). I am writing to tell you more about myself and what I aim to achieve after completing this module.
It was a pleasure reading your introduction letter, to get to know you better. It was interesting to know about your musical background as well. Looking forward to seeing more of your work in the future!
Warmest Regards,
Jia Xin
Hello Jia Xin,
DeleteThank you so much for your feedback. I have read your feedbacks and made the necessary changes. Hope you enjoyed reading my letter.
Best regards,
Wen Jue
ReplyDeleteDear Wen Jue,
Thank you for this clear, concise and informative letter. You do a very good job covering the scope of the assignment as you explain your education and work background, your study focus and your interests. I'm impressed by the fact that you're a trumpet player. I happen to be a blues harp player and often times want to achieve the sound of a trumpet when I play. But you have it!
You also discuss your communication strength and weakness well, with concrete illustrations.
I can see by the number of peers who have responded to your post, and the number who you have responded to, that you are networking well.
This letter is also fairly fluent, and it flows smoothly. I only found a few issues that are problematic:
1. overuse of caps
-- Effective Communications Module > ?
-- I did not have a Physics foundation... > ?
- "Somewhere over the rainbow" > "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"
2. verb tense
-- Therefore, I had to settle for the latter, which is automation and mechatronic systems in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. > (tense)
Therefore, I had to settle for the latter, which WAS automation and mechatronic systems in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. >
-- I applied to study in SIT mechanical engineering as I want to understand the mechanical systems around the world and someday, design my own mechanical systems in the future.
> (tense and sentence structure issue)
I applied to study in SIT mechanical engineering as I wanted to understand the mechanical systems around the world, and I would like to design my own mechanical systems in the future.
3. word use/phrasing
-- to strike a conversation > to strike up a conversation
I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you so much for reading my letter and giving me all the feedbacks I need to better improve myself, especially in my written English. I have made the changes needed accordingly. I am also happy to know that we both have common interest in the music and maybe someday we can share more on our musical backgrounds. I especially love music as it brings people of similar interest together and depending on the music they play, we can also tell what their emotions are, which is quite intriguing to me.
I hope to learn more from you in our upcoming classes and have a great weekend ahead!
Best regards,
Wen Jue